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[18 Jun 2010|02:05pm] |
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Like I said before, it's been a busy week. Tonight, I leave for Barcelona! Orientation and the picnic both went well. I haven't worked out at all this week, so I'm feeling kinda bleh. I want to, but I'm taking an antibiotic that has some weird side-effects. For instance, I would sweat orange/red dye. It's really disgusting. It's the same stuff they give to people with TB, so I guess it's got to be freaking gross. I'd explain what happened, but I don't think I'm supposed to with work and everything. Anyways, I'm fine, and it's no big deal. It's just weird.
I'm also in a semi-grumpy mood because my hair's a mess and I have to wear my glasses. The dye from the medication stained some contacts I had. (It really wasn't all that cool.) Also, I'm sleepy and ready for a nap.
But yeah, the classes I signed up for were EX ST 222, ENGL 103, PSYCH 201, SPAN 201, and COMM 101.
Is it nap time yet?
mmm Diet coke...
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[12 Jun 2010|03:31pm] |
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Adfalkjadflka! My compy is running slow. I need to take it in to the doctor. :[ Somehow, the downstairs compy got a virus, and then mine did the very next day. I wonder how that works... I didn't even do anything. D: Oh, sigh! Well, I am getting my college lappy in a few days (Macbook pro), but I didn't really want to start using that until I actually start college. I gotta load stuff on to in though. I really want to mess around on Photoshop now, but I'm afraid my poor little compy won't be able to run that large of a program. Crap, I just remembered I need to work on my dad's Father's Day card. :O
Last night, I had dinner and a movie with Patrick and Rebekah. It was kinda funny seeing Patrick considering I haven't seen him since one of my friend's 16th birthday parties and considering he's my very first ex-boyfriend (which is hilarious now that I think back on it). Interesting history :P He's so different now! It's crazy. But we had a lot to talk about all night, so it was cool. For dinner, we went to Manuel's Tavern on North Highland, then we went to Java Lords and sat out on the porch for some coffee. I really like the fact that Java Lords is open until like 2 AM. At around 11:30, we went over to the Plaza on Ponce to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was really... really... crazy. haha. The movie is absolutely horrible, but the Plaza cast makes it entertaining. Still, it ended around 2:30, so of course, I could barely stay awake despite the two shots of espresso that I had a Java Lords. After Rocky Horror, Bekah and I headed over to Waffle House for some more coffee and some chocolate chip waffles. It's incredible how every table was filled up at 3 AM, but I guess that's just the type of place Waffle House is. We finally went to sleep around 4:30, but me being me still woke up at about 10:15, so I'm dead tired now. It was SO fun though, and it was interesting hearing all of Patrick's stories, and we got to share the gossip about all the WA people. I'm not sure if this weekend beats the awesomeness that was had last weekend, just because that was so ridiculously insane that I can't even begin to explain that.
Thursday was great too! Priya came down to the ATL from the JC (haha...) and we went to Atlantic Station for dinner. I love her to death, and we had such good conversation. She's probably the sweetest person I know. I can't wait to see her again. After dinner, we went to Kilwins, and the main dude in there gave us a zillion different free ice cream samples in really delicious combinations. Ah :]
These next couple of weeks will be pretty busy. Monday/Tuesday is orientation at Clemson. Wednesday is picnic. Thursday is mani-pedi with my aunt, packing for trip, and making a special dinner for my family for Father's Day (since I'll be out of town then). I'm making pork chops with an apricot glaze and bread crumbs with gnocchi and summer vegetables. For dessert, I'm making a molten chocolate cake. :] Then on Friday, I leave for Barcelona and Paris. I'll be back on the 27th.
I think I'm starting to let go. That's what a good person would do. Someone who respects themselves but also the other person. I'm trying really hard. Things will be okay.
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[11 Jun 2010|08:41am] |
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This week has actually been okay. I've been busy with work, going to the gym, and being with friends. It's been nice. I'm still wondering what happened but maybe a little less. I've got it down to about 4 theories, but maybe I'll explain them another time. I used to want to talk to him so badly, but at this point, I don't think I could pick up the phone if he called. Maybe... Not that he would. But also in this past few weeks, I've realized that several other people are going through the same things. I kept thinking that this was the end of the world even though I've been preparing myself for this for months. And I still miss him. But life continues...
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[07 Jun 2010|10:17pm] |
You know, I was about to edit my last entry where I said it was typical for a man to lose interest because I realized that I've lost interest before too. Maybe not in the same way, but it's not exclusive to men. And then, I was talking to a friend (who's a guy) and, I quote, "Yeah, I just lost interest. But that's always what happens, right?" So I decided to just leave it as is because it just seemed so typical. Just typical of humans.
Let's see... I worked out today, which was pretty nice. Ran a 7:13 mile, then 2.25 more miles, then did ~5 miles on the bike. Then, I did the math placement test and got into the necessary class for my major by the skin of my teeth so that I only have to take one semester of it. Math 203... Which is statistics. Glad I can bypass all that other crap. I've got everything ready to go to orientation next week, already took the Spanish placement test, so that's good. Health forms are sent in and stuff. After that, I made some cookies. They look like the picture, but honestly, I don't think they're that great. I didn't do anything wrong considering the recipe was very simple. They remind me of pecans. Yuck. After that, I went to Taqueria del Sol with Price and Pesce. It's a little weird the way we've changed, but I enjoy the company nevertheless. :]
I got, um, an inquiry today. I don't really feel like responding to it. It makes me feel like I'm betraying the entity of love. I know that's stupid. I tried to explain it to Pesce, and all I could only explain it as a widow who doesn't want to see other people because she's still in mourning and feels like she would betray all that time she spewith her partner. I know that's SO, SO, SO stupid. It's not that I'm exactly still in love with Glenn, but more like the idea of him, whatever that used to be when we were happy. And I still care about him, so it's confusing. Let's be real, he dumped me. Still... I'd feel like I was betraying him if I just happened to go out with someone else and it was anything close to a date. But maybe it's not like that. It's probably healthy for me tnt o go through with it... Agh. It's not just that either. I really don't feel like
Okay, I've got work tomorrow, so I better go. Later.
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| A realization. |
[07 Jun 2010|10:10am] |
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Okay, in between putting my clothes on and brush my teeth this morning, I realized something and thought, Well, I better write this down before I forget. I've figured out something... something so stupid that I wish I just realized back in Februrary or whatever. Before, I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, that he changed for some reason that was fairly uncontrollable for him. I kept wondering if something bad happened that perhaps I didn't know about, or maybe it was the thing that I did know about, and he was just putting up a wall to protect himself by acting uninterested in our relationship. I truly thought we had something special, yaddy yaddy ya (But I really, I'm serious. For some reason, I thought he'd be immune to the thing I'm about to explain).
Then I realized... No. That's not it. It's something much more common. Something so typical of a man (And I'm not hating on men, this just seems to be the way they are in comparison to women, if you misunderstood my tone). I didn't even consider this 30 minutes ago. Not that I was thinking about it 30 minutes ago, but you know what I mean.
As I said in an earlier entry, I know that the most simple answer is usually right. Yep, okay, I got it now. Acting uninterested really means that one is uninterested. Whoa! Crazy, right? But the thing was, I don't believe he just fell out of love. I kept thinking back, trying to pin point the moment when things went bad. I realized it was not one moment, but several... And not just moments, but realizations of the future. It seems as though love merely dissolved slowly for him, and after that, there's not much left to go on. It makes perfect sense. Of course, he didn't want to hold my hand or whatever else like before, and of course, when I tried to push it a little, he reacted the opposite way than someone in love would. Disgusted, angry, whatever else. That "get off of me" feeling.
See, I didn't expect him to be there forever. Or to marry him. Or even to date him much this year. I thought we would continue to love each other, and then when it was just too inconvenient to date, we'd mutually say goodbye, be heartbroken for a while, and then be good friends later. I thought that was me being realistic, but really... Wow. What an eye opener.
Despite all of this dissolving of love business, I'm glad we stayed together after that one break up. I was sad then because I felt like our time got cut short. I'm glad it at least ran it's course, though I hate that he ended it on such a bad note. Well, nothing really ends up as you imagine it...
(This is the point in the show when the camera zooms out over my shoulder, still shot of me closing my laptop, and panning to the right as I leave my room to continue living my life.)
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| Writer's Block: TMI |
[03 Jun 2010|03:52pm] |
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In the long run, no, I don't think I would want to know. Still, I'd definitely be tempted by that opportunity. For instance, if your loved one just left their journal out on their desk, would you go ahead and rummage through it? Or go through their email? I'm not sure I could. Not only would it be a breach of trust, but also there are a lot of things you probably just don't want to know about a person. If they never offer up the information and you're happy the way things are, then why go and potentially mess that up? Also, if you knew everything about your significant other, that'd be mighty boring to continue a relationship with them since part of being someone is gradually learning more and more about him/her. What would the point of it all be if you already knew everything? But you probably wouldn't want to continue the relationship anyways after learning all their secrets.
For the most part, ignorance really is bliss.
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| "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow |
[02 Jun 2010|11:04pm] |
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Hmm, okay, so maybe it's not what I thought it was. I'm not really sure, but I probably shouldn't jump to any conclusions. Maybe I don't really want to know? I think I should just stop trying to get answers and except it for what it is. To be perfectly honest, I didn't even ask this time.. well, except for the fact that someone said they knew something, and so, after some hesitation, I said that I wanted to know. I just shouldn't torture myself with something that ridiculous. And I mean, I guess it is sort of true, a little bit. Maybe we did grow apart, but I don't know why I just jumped to the idea that he fell out of love with me. Maybe he did or maybe he didn't. All I know is that he ran out of time for the relationship and was under a lot of stress, so that could very well cause that. Since February, there HAVE been times when he seemed like he loved me, so it couldn't have gone all sour. I just wish that I could have made it better then, and I tried too, but I guess there wasn't anything I could do. I'm sorry.
I wish I could fix our friendship, but I know I just need to wait. You know how in Othello, Cassio really just wants to fix his friendship with Othello as quickly and painlessly, but instead, he royally messes his life up for himself by trying to do that? I guess I should take a hint. I almost called him today once I got that tip, but then thought better than to start anything. Not that he'd answer my calls, but if he did, I'd probably just do something stupid. And still, I said that I would give him time, so I need to stick to that. It's for the best, I know. Whatever chance of a friendship we have, I would have probably messed it up. I don't think I just want to be friends with him because I'm still in love with him. I just don't want to have all that time go to waste; he was (and is, in a way) really important to me. At the same time, I don't know, at this point, what a friendship for us could be like. For all I know, he could truly despise me and never wants to see my face again. If I didn't analyze this so much, that's probably what I would think. I know the most simple answer is usually right, but he's a complicated person and this was out of character, so I give him the benefit of the doubt.
Even if those accusations I made in the last entry were true, things will be okay. Hopefully, things are okay for him and less stressful now that it's summer. Turn your negatives in to positives... I know, I know. I'm trying! Just wait it out...
In other news, (I KNOW, you've been dying to hear about something else! Woo) I start work at the summer camp next week. Yep, the same one I've been working at for the past few summers. It's a pretty sweet deal. I play with little kids for 5 hours, get lunch, and then get payed for it. Ha! Sometimes, they can be a little crazy, but mostly they're cute, so I'm looking forward to it. :] It's going to disrupt my work out schedule, though, so I'm going to have to make some changes. Maybe I'll work out in the afternoon after work instead. Again, it's a really sweet deal because the summer camp is at the club where I work out. And then after that, I'll probably swing by the pool to see Ilsa, since she's a lifeguard. It's uber cool because the pool is right outside the gym :D ha! And then after that... I'll probably smell like little kids and sweat and outside. Attractive, huh?
Also, I'm thinking about changing my LJ layout. I feel like I'm changing it all the time (and I also feel like I'm saying that all the time and then never get around to changing it). I was looking at Sarah Dessen's LJ and really liked the layout, so I might do something really plain and pretty like that.
Additionally, I've been messing around with some photoshop stuff, so here you go.
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[02 Jun 2010|09:08pm] |
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I am feeling a little bit better after that short 'n sweet post. Whew. That was a good rant. Forgiving will take time, I guess. I don't like being angry, though. I think it's pretty easy for some people, but it makes me feel guilty to be angry at people I care about because I don't want them to be sad. I know things could be worse, though. I know things will get better.
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[02 Jun 2010|08:44pm] |
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How long haven't you been in love with me? I gave you everything. I did everything you wanted me to do. How dare you. And you just give up this information to people? That we grew apart?
Fuck that, YOU grew away. YOU pushed me away. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU. GODDAMNIT.
Goddamnit, I knew this whole time, and you made me feel like some paranoid freak for worrying about it. I've been so worried about you, and this is what I get? Instead of hearing from you, you let me hear it for real through the grape vine.
You knew I knew. And that's why you left. I've got all the answers I need now, and I never want you back. How could you...
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| Writer's Block: Oh no not I |
[02 Jun 2010|01:34pm] |
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I thought this would be a good one to answer considering its relevance. Ha! I think I've only answered maybe one of these, and it was something like, "How do you like your coffee?" Well, here we go!
Everything mentioned above and more, I guess. The pint of ice cream is GENIUS except for the part when you get to that last spoon full, and you finally realize that you're not only SINGLE but you also just consumed 1,000 more calories than most people do in a day. A friend brought me some ice cream, and I actually had the restraint to leave most of it to my dad (which is really difficult for me considering ice cream is serious business in my family... literally.) Time alone is good, just to think about stuff and get things straightened out in your head. Writing things down or staring at a wall actually helps, but too much of that, like ice cream, is definitely a bad thing. Because of that, hanging out with friends is absolutely vital because otherwise the actual loneliness sets in, which can be miserable even if it's probably a little bit healthy. In the past two miserable weeks (or has it been more than that? I think so. by a few days.), I've gone to a concert, the beach, the outlet malls for a serious shopping spree, cooked lots of meals, and and just chilled with friends which provides good distractions. So maybe it hasn't been so miserable after all? Another thing that helps-- working out. GET ANGRY... and then run 3 miles at the gym. It's most excellent, and then you come out of there feeling much more calm and relaxed... along with a hot bod. And even a little forgiving and willing to look towards the future for "bigger and better things" (excuse the cliche). Oh, and yoga also! I should probably get on that... it's been awhile.
I think just staying distracted for most of the time, but allowing yourself adequate amounts of time to be angry or lonely or sad or whatever other feelings that come along with it, is probably the best way to deal with it. That way, you've got things preoccupying your mind, but you're still confronting the problem rather than just denying it.
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[26 May 2010|11:12pm] |
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Oh boy, kids. Take a gander at this!
According to Time Magazine, "Another more complicated possibility [for women's longevity] is that women have two X chromosomes, while men have one. (Men have an X and a Y.)" http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1827162,00.html#ixzz0p5s3sYQR
Oh my god, I love that.
But also, and more importantly, Time says women live longer because they deal with stress better. So really, all you women eating your ice cream and crying to The Notebook with your girls after a really crappy week-- You are awesome! Yes! Keep doing it!
What is with the whole male ego thing that makes them think that not talking about problems is healthy and makes you stronger? No. It doesn't. "[M]en tend not to deal with their stress as well as women. They may be more prone to internalizing that stress rather than letting go — though that's a fairly controversial point. Nonetheless, stress plays a very important role in cardiovascular disease." If you go back and read the article (link above), you'll find that men develop those cardiovascular problems 5 - 10 years earlier than women do. (Clearly, there are other factors, but that's beyond the point.)
So please, for your health's sake., quit internalizing. Also, PROTIP: It's annoying.
(Disclaimer: This is only a generalization. Yes, I realize women internalize too, including me. I'm just citing an interesting article. So shush.)
****
In other news, this week has been okay. Life is a lot better when I'm doing things. I've been hanging out a bit with Rebekah and some with Pesce, so that keeps my mind off of missing him. Today, I went to the outlet malls with Ilsa... not too bad of a drive! Wait, I wasn't the one driving, so it was incredibly beautiful and I'm so thankful that she offered to drive. Seriously good deals. I got a 14KT gold necklace for, like $40. Beyondddd excitingggg.
Still, when I come home to do my regular stuff, I sort of slide back in to feeling crappy. I know I can't be busy all the time, and I need to have downtime to fight this in my mind. My brain's kind of a weird place, and right now, I feel like the filing cabinets are all out of order and confused. Memories I have are just scattered everywhere. I've got titles for certain ones, like "Picnic" or "Hail storm" or "New Years Day" and I feel like they're just all over the place. I'm tired of remembering them. Some are really beautiful. Others are boring. Then, still, others are upsetting. Well, no shit, they're all upsetting. But I guess they were just sad at the time of the memory.
There's something weird about memories though, and I wonder if other people ever get this. Sometimes, I get jealous of myself, as if someone else was having the experiences rather than me. I know that sounds stupid, but it's true. I can see that little video in my head, titled "Picnic" and I see someone totally different than myself being so happy sitting by the lake with her... someone. Something. The most important something at the time. It's absolutely a wonderful picture, but it's not me. I know it is, but that's not comforting at all because I can no longer have that.
I know that those memories are mine and mine alone. I don't have to share them with some other person pretending to be me, or me pretending to be another person. That WAS me. It seems so distant.
Maybe I'm worried that I'll forget or something, I'm not sure. I just want them to be neat and packed away, so I can ford the river and move on to the next thing. At the same time, I don't feel like I can move on to any new thing. For some reason, I feel devoted to this feeling and for some reason, to him. I shouldn't be after what he said. But I feel like moving elsewhere from this spot would mean that everything that I did feel for him was some silly joke. I know people have multiple loves in their lives, but I'm not exactly sure how you can just find more without betraying the other. Especially when the other was so incredibly important.
I think I think too much. Why should I be giving you all these hints anyways? I'm tired of trying to guard myself from your pathetic eraser of our past. That's right. It IS pathetic. I said it! HA! As much as this hurts me, I wouldn't trade those memories for anything. Being angry is easy. I could be angry and be done with this. But it's worth so much more than that.
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| Don't you dare. |
[18 May 2010|09:05am] |
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At first, I was pretty upset, but now I realize that I should have had some self-respect months ago. Should have realized that I deserved more than someone who acted embarrassed to hold my hand. More than someone who acted like I was WRONG for getting upset and feeling ashamed of myself because he was so self-conscious about ME. More than someone who went from talking to me for hours every night to less than a few minutes a day. More than someone who was too busy for ten months, who never let me come into his house anymore, who just thought it was okay to ignore me because I was too much of a burden to have around. Who, after all of that, barely even knew me and just figured that I was some kind of monster. Who thought that my insecurities due to all of his changes should just end so he could continue acting the way he did. Who made me feel used after moments when I should have felt special.
I'll never forget those times, and despite the vague descriptions, I can remember specific instances. However, I appreciate those times because they help me balance what you last said to me and the way you said it. The good memories are rather painful at the moment. While the experiences were good and I want to keep those memories, the thought that the same person who gave me good memories gave me sad ones as well still hurts.
I feel sympathetic to your situation, and I am sorry because I felt such a connection with you for such a long time. It makes me sad because there were lots of times when you didn't act like you were ashamed to be around me. But all of the times that you did-- that ruined everything. I'm sorry you felt like you had to put up a wall and couldn't care about me the same way because you had some mind set that I was out to cause you harm.
The fact of the matter isn't that I am incapable to change, to use your own words. The fact is, I didn't want to change. Part of me did, to end the fights and the sadness. But that other part of me, the alarm that goes off in my head when something is so obviously wrong was my own hidden self-respect just waiting to emerge. To tell me that I was unhappy and that this needs to be fixed. And I tried to fix you, but now I really, truly realize that I can't. Only you can do that. And I hope you do.
My actions were a tiny reflection of how you treated me all of those times. I watched you change, and you blamed it on me. I volunteered myself to adapt to your ways because I thought YOU would be completely immobile from the place to which you relocated yourself. Don't you dare act like I wanted the worst for you. Don't you dare act like you're the only victim here. I miss you, but I've found myself. I will always have love for you and care about you and see you as a friend.
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[09 May 2010|04:11pm] |
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Woohooo! I'm a high school graduate! My diploma is sitting under a roll of toilet paper/tissues. :D Also, I just put together a swively chair since I'd been using old kitchen chairs as my computer chair forever, and they all kept breaking because I'd try to lean back in them... oops?
I have a really annoying cold... that or allergies. SOMETHING. Not sure what it is but I really don't like it since I just got done with another cold a few days ago. Oh well, it's all good considering that I don't have to go back to school anymore! YESSSSSSSSSSS!
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| "Let's start this again for real. So, here I am. I'm trying. So, here I am. Are you ready?" |
[28 Apr 2010|08:53pm] |
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Huh. Blinking cursor, I will conquer you.
I've realized that some posts from a year ago are still on my front page, so that probably means I need to back track a little ways. Probably since last summer since all I've done is ramble since then. Well, I applied to Clemson like the admissions people asked me, got in, and that's where I'm going! It's all super exciting :O I'm happy to be going out of state, even if it's just across the boarder to South Carolina. Plus, it's not really very far away, only about two hours from home. I applied to New College, Wisconsin-Madison, and UGA too. Got into the first two and waitlisted at UGA then decided not to stay on the waitlist. I guess technically I could still put myself on the waitlist to see if some people decide to not mail in their deposits, but I've got it set in my mind that I won't. I'm Tiger Town Bound!
Prom was weekend before last, and it was pretty ballin'. I went with Glenn and he actually smiled in our picture (finally!!!). We had some problems with the limo, but (in my honest opinion) it created a little bit of entertainment considering the guy was 30 minutes late to pick us up from the school. We went Cosmic bowling afterward! That was lots 'o fun. (MORE FUN THAT YOU CAN IMAGINE, SHUDDUP.)
Also, I had my 18th birthday the weekend after that! I can't believe it ::tear:: I've just grown up so fast! AW! Let's see... on friday, I saw Kick Ass with Glenn, Mathew, Alec, Harrison, Ryan, and some of Mathew's peoples. That movie was surprisingly really good! I mean, I thought I'd be entertained, but I didn't think it'd be that good! Day after that I went to Little Five Points with Bekah and went to the Vortex. BADASSSSSSS. I just felt like a bamf showing off my ID, one day older than 18. YEAH. I'm trying to check some adult things off my list (not in a perverted way), so that's done. Also, ventured into the hookah stores... mildly interesting. There was a mother and daughter in there... working together. bahahaha. Then, I went to habichi that evening at Nakato's with Ilsa and my family :]
Honestly, I can't think of anything else important about this year. I made straight A's this year for the first time since public school? This year was a lot of waiting around seeing what was going to happen, to be honest. I learned how to do some stuff on photoshop for newspaper which was pretty interesting. At this point, I have no idea "what I want to be when I grow up." I'm incredibly practical, so an unstable job like being a full-time reporter or journalist is just out of the question. I really want my work experience to be akin to The Office or Man in the Box... that would be so entertaining. Is that out of the question? It just seems so ordinary. Both of my parents jobs have never seemed that entertaining, even when Mom worked in the cubicle. Or maybe it could be like Dilbert! Hmmm... I don't really know. Maybe I'd rather be an administrator in healthcare, like Cudy from House without the doctor-y part. Okay, maybe this is all out of the question. Maybe not. I'll do what I want. :]
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| Return from a hiatus. |
[28 Apr 2010|07:55pm] |
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Let me be honest about something real quick here:
I really thought that I could be one of those people who wrote in those leather bound notebooks in perfect yet unique loopy handwriting in a cardigan while sitting on a bench in the park in the middle of beautiful weather. So, what I did was I bought a cheap pseudo-suede notebook from Target (pronounced TAR-zJAY"). But it just kind of sat there. I think I wrote a meaningful letter in there (lol) and a memory about a bath drain. Typical.
Anyways, yesterday was my last day of class in high school FOREVER.
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[01 Jan 2010|11:14pm] |
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So I just came across something mildly amusing and thought I'd ramble about it for awhile until Glenn's done watching Modern Marvels: THE AUTOBAHN or something.
Hehe, it's this blog of this lady (we'll call her Maryann) who used to work at school, and she's documenting her correspondence to our Mayor. Each time Shirley sends back an email, this woman has the nerve to point out slightly typographical errors. You know, things like, "shoudl" instead of "should." It's kind of pitiful, honestly. The lady, Maryann, is trying to debate a topic about her local fire department, and it's really too horribly boring to read. From what I have read, though, Maryann could use some work with her puctuation skills. She's telling Shirely to use a spell/grammar checker? There's no way word would have missed all her horrific comma splices or fused sentences. (And that's just me trying to be as equally annoying.) It's amazing that the mayor of this city even has the time in her day to respond to Maryann's ridiculously long emails.
Oh, i'll finish this later.
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| I'M ABOUT TO SPOIL A BOOK IN THIS ONE (but I know you won't read it, so go ahead). |
[19 Dec 2009|09:37pm] |
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Oh, um. Hi. Uh. So, It's uh... Yeah. Today, I finished How to Say Goodbye in Robot.
I don't really know what to think of it. I think I'm taking it the way the author intended it to be taken, it's just WEIRD. I mean, the characters are so neurotic, and I like neurotic. I'm a little bit neurotic (Hey, did I even have to say it?). The girl protagonist seems really distracted and cold throughout the book. It makes sense, considering her mother calls her a "robot" all the time... But her mom is really manic and insane, so it seems even stranger. She falls in love with this boy who has a retarded brother whom he thought was dead for 10 years, and the boy... ugh. I couldn't stand him. Sometimes I liked him when he wasn't in some coma-like trance or missing his brother. But even then, he would put the girl second to his brother, even though helping his brother was nearly impossible. She would dream about running away to NY with him to get away from the problems, and he would burst that bubble by saying "Oh YEAH, and my brother can come and we'll spend our lives taking care of him." Bleh, he was so selfish, even if he was trying to help his brother. The girl just went along with it because she couldn't stand seeing the boy so sad. The girl ignores anyone else throughout the book, even a really normal boy who understands how she can just step on him and break promises and disappear when something goes wrong with the other boy. Well, the boy ends up running away forever and cutting his face out of every picture. Thank god, she ends up with the normal boy.
I can't even think about it anymore. I did really like one part of it though: Night Lights Late Night Talk Show. At midnight, this guy named Herb would host a show called Night Lights where people would call in and just talk. And there'd be regular people, all kinds of people... Insominacs. Ha. And sometimes they'd hold get togethers for just people who would call in. I love the way they described the first get together that Ghost boy and Robot girl went to... "Some of the Night Lights did look different from the way I'd imagined. But once I saw them, my imaginary pictures popped like cartoon bubbles and their real selves solidified in my mind." I dunno why I liked that. I just did. I reminds me of how last week I realized what Louis looks like from 90.1 WABE. I could have sworn she was older, brown-haired, wrinkley-ish, 80's rusty red sports suit with big buttons and shoulder pads. But nah, I saw her picture in the paper and she was just... normal. Looked like someone's mom. It wasn't a big disappointment, just kind of weird. Anyways, I wish there was a Night Lights show here. But knowing Atlanta, probably anyone who called in at 12 AM is no one I'd want to talk to. No offense.
Also, question: I wonder if I'll find a lot of normal people at college. I watched this horrible show yesterday, called Greek, and it really sorta bothered me. I heard about it in English tutorial when we were talking about Glee (which is an ADORABLE show). Btw, this is nothing like Glee. It made it look like everyone in college is either boring as hell or you know, not the kind of normal that's very interesting. And I was actually thinking of joining a sorority if I ended up at Georgia. Only slightly though. I wonder if they have sororities for the normal people like me that are different that the regular normal. If you catch my drift. The ones that don't have to be on a diet and don't have to put on make up when they get out of the bed. I think I'll find those people, but that show was really bad. Do yourself a favor and change the channel.
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[25 Nov 2009|08:28pm] |
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So glad I don't have to write poetry.
A) I don't even like poetry.
B) I can't write it for my life.
C) If there ever was any inkling in my mind that I could write poetry, it's been wiped out by that literary magazine(Not related to the school one) that I've been submitting stuff to for years.
And now, I feel like I have to change the stupid essay that I just submitted to this magazine. You know, I get the email back saying that "Yes, the essay was very good" but "No, it's not quite what we're looking for." It kills me each time. I guess it's a good thing that they send me a detailed report back about my writing; that's kind of cool. The not-so-cool part is the fact that they're tearing it apart, aside from "Oh, good simile; Nice allusion...etc" thrown in every now and then. Man, I am rambling, but these things make me crazy. Really crazy. Wait, wait wait...
I think. That. I'm. Going to revise this pieceandsenditinrightnowohgodiminsane.
I've got my thoughts together. I'm good now. Listen to this-- I've written two similar essays, one comes right after the other. Since the first one had a HORRIBLE ending (basically because there was a page limit), I'll cut that part off and add on the other essay. Then, I'll make all of the changes that the editors suggested, and I'll send it in. Oh, hehehe. So exciting.
I know, I cruising for another broken heart, but let me just try again, okay?
Wait where did that essay go? I'm not kidding, where is it... WHERE IS
oh nvm.
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